Why I Love Stray Kids
Musings on How Pop Music Saved Me
I’ve studied the entire history of music. Most of the time, the best stuff is the popular stuff.
— Jeff Bebe, Almost Famous
“Mom, I have something to tell you. I have a crush.”
My heart fluttered a bit and I smiled as I took in my daughter’s timid declaration.
“That’s so great, sweetie. Do you want to tell me who it is?”
She demurred, hemming and hawing for a moment, but then she reached for her phone and flashed a picture of an adorable Korean young man.
“His name is Seungmin, he’s in a music group called Stray Kids, and I can’t stop thinking about him.” Her trademark giggle slipped out as I smiled ear to ear. “Oh, and fans of Stray Kids are called Stays. I’m totally a Stay!”
Friends, in that moment, my heart could not have felt more full. My newly minted teenage daughter was crushing hard on her first boy band member. Surely this was a rite of passage.
“He’s so stinkin’ cute,” I said, hugging her. “Tell me everything about Seungmin and Stray Kids.”
* * * * * * * *
I came of age when New Kids on the Block were at their peak in the late 80s and early 90s. While I’d had at least a dozen crushes by the time I was 12, my first boy band crush was, of course, Jordan Knight. Oh my heart. He could sing. He could dance. He could play piano. And, like my daughter with Seungmin, Jordan was all I could think about.
I covered every inch of my bedroom walls with posters of Jordan, grew a tiny braided tail like his, and celebrated his May birthday with a cake and a candle three years in a row (see picture above!). My parents and I even spent the night in line at a Ticketmaster to get tickets to their concert in Peoria, Illinois. And when my puppy was about to pee on my New Kids comforter, right on Jordan’s face, I leapt forward and cupped my hands under her, saving my beloved blanket from being soiled. In my 12-year-old mind, these heroics were just a sliver of the lengths I would go to, to show my love for Jordan.
The New Kids candle burned bright at both ends and, by the time I hit high school, they were pretty much off the music scene. I had moved on, too. Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Tupac, Green Day and Alanis were on the rise in mainstream music, drawing culture away from pop and inviting us to music sold as more authentic and gritty, not so polished and fake. I dove deep into the Christian music scene at this time, so I missed some of the great grunge, rock, and alternative moments of the 90s, but even Christian music was shifting to alternative trendsetters like Sixpence None the Richer and Dakota Motor Company.
When I finally allowed myself to listen to mainstream music again, Coldplay stole my heart along with the music of Patty Griffin, Joseph Arthur, and Over the Rhine. The Killers, Radiohead, The White Stripes, and Foo Fighters were winning Grammys and leading the charge, too, with their edgy, gripping music. I suppose it’s in the nature of all art to push new boundaries, to inspire change, to not just say fresh things but to say fresh things in fresh ways. So, it was collectively out with pop and in with genres that allowed for more brooding and less flash.
So for 25+ years, I have filled my music catalog with the finest emo, alternative, and rock musicians alongside countless jazz, classical, hip-hop, rap, and R&B artists. And, while there’s nothing wrong with that, I didn’t realize I had bought into a narrative that pop . . . well . . . it was just too manufactured, too plastic, too inferior to all that truly genuine music.
But about a year ago, my daughter started dialing up the pop. Taylor Swift, Meghan Trainor, Dua Lipa, and Alessia Cara found their way into heavy rotation in my house. Adding to the mix was my daughter’s abiding love for the movie Turning Red which centers on an adolescent girl’s coming of age through her boy band obsession. We even bought the vinyl of Turning Red’s fake boy band, 4 Town, with its catchy hooks reminiscent of N’Sync and Backstreet Boys. It wouldn’t take long for her to find K-Pop staples like BTS, BlackPink, and Stray Kids.
I quietly found myself hooked by the songs she would play every time we were together, singing them to myself in the car, when I walked to the mailbox, or even while practicing yoga. I found myself moved by the ballads, too — just as moved as I’d been by all those artists screaming behind wailing guitars or hushed and whispering at a piano. I had already been surprised by how much Harry Styles’ music moved me when he went solo in 2017. I’ll never forget being covered head-to-toe in goosebumps by his “Sign of the Times” performance on SNL. And don’t even get me started on Billie Eilish and “Ocean Eyes.” But I kept this a secret. And I didn’t let it get out of hand either. I couldn’t admit I liked pop music again, let alone K-Pop. That was too scandalous. At least that’s what I told myself. Even still, I couldn’t help what was happening in my music app.
Bruno.
Beyonce.
Billie.
They were taking over. Like a contagion. And I liked it. I would don headphones and dance to these hits every night in my kitchen, often finding in these songs my only source of joy on some of my darkest days. In fact, I thought of my pop music dancing as medicine and would often report to my therapist how many times I had danced that week. This secret renaissance, sparked by Harry Styles on SNL and set alight by my daughter’s K-Pop mania, was slowly saving me.
Over the past couple years, especially the past six months, pop music has allowed me to channel joy and lightness, to feel something of that youthful vibration after so many heavy years. Come to think of it, the heavy years aren’t quite past and few of my unpleasant circumstances have changed. But what has changed is my full embrace of pop music.
I’d be lying if I said this renaissance wasn’t partially about middle age. As my kids get older and more independent, I find my spirit gets lighter, too. I have more margin for play, for laughter, for dancing. Madeleine L’Engle once said, “The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been. I am still every age that I have been. Because I was once a child, I am always a child.” At 45, I can listen to a pop song and feel the same vitality, wonder, and even hints of that crushy flutter I felt when I was 12 and 13. I can feel an electricity move through me that I have staunched for so long.
After I had kids, the stakes felt so high. As a neurodivergent mom of neurodivergent kids, I couldn’t see any other choice but to be super serious, super emo, super-ultra-hyper-vigilant. We all had to survive. In fact, I was determined for us to thrive. Anything fun or liberating or joyful would have to wait. Even music that made me feel at ease or sassy or bright for a moment. Oh friends, I’ll be honest, it sounds so silly. I feel so silly saying all of this. It’s just pop music, isn’t it? But even as I think about how much it has moved me, I’ve got tears in my eyes. Pop music has gifted me something I didn’t know I needed, something I didn’t know I’d lost. Pop music has gifted me my love of life again.
* * * * * * * *
A few days ago, while on the tricep machine at my local gym with Stray Kids’ LaLaLaLa cranked in my earbuds, I couldn’t help moving to the beat. Nothing over the top, just some shoulder bounces and neck isolations. I was so in my own world that I didn’t realize what I was doing until a woman passed by and patted my shoulder with a huge smile. “You are cute as can be and you’ve got the moves!” I giggled, a bit embarrassed, but also happy that my new joie de vivre was shining through.
Later that night, I felt it was time to have a conversation with my daughter.
“Sis, I have something to tell you.”
I smiled as I pulled my arm from behind my back and showed her my newly made bracelets.
“What!!” she squealed.
“I’m totally a STAY!”
I do hope you’re safe and well today, friends. I’d love to hear if you have any light-hearted interests that bring joy to your life and make you feel that youthful spark again. Please do reach out if you have a moment . . . I always love connecting with you in this good space.
Take gentle care . . . Onward . . . Forward . . . With Love . . . And Music . . .
This is a fantastic piece and should totally be printed in Rolling Stone magazine! Loved it 🤘🏼🖤💫
Omg love it!! Totally slays. Btw I love stray kids too!!